The only thing I liked about Bram Stoker's Dracula was that it was an assembly of journal entries and phonograph recordings.  Other than that, it devolved into endless pages about a bunch of snivelling bromosexuals the second Van Helsing showed up.

I must admit, the wordiness of the dialogue was occasionally entertaining.  People writing letters and telegrams, taking trains, and cabs which were just horse drawn carriages.  I often wondered if Dracula had never been written until 2010, what it would be like.

1897 Van Helsing: My brave companions, have you the various implements which I had with great forethought provided to you all during the previous night's foray into the lair of the damned, to do the task that has befallen us and bring this evil that has cast our very lives into darkness with but only one shining light to give us hope, our very own sweet Mina, may the Lord bless her in all her kind ways, as our strength?

2001 Van Helsing: Guys, got all that shit I gave you last night?  Cuz we're gonna need it to get out of this clusterfuk.

2010 Van Helsing: @bromosexual_pals d00dz bring ur shit i gave 2 u. #wtfpwned

One day, professors will be asking students to tweet their dissertations.  At that point we'll be really fucked because nobody will be able to speak more than 140 characters.  Until Twit comes out and limits messages to 70 characters.  Language will be a series of clicks and pops.  Someone will write a new screenplay for the Lord of the Rings Trilogy on 3 pages, which will be way too long and epic for anyone to sit through.  Finally everyone will die of frail old age after 140 hours.

Really though, I love reading about the bromosexuals and what passes for incredible 1897 intrigue and suspense as they formulate a plan to enter one of Dracula's lairs by pretending to be the owners of the house and hiring a locksmith to open the front door, during which a policeman stops to ask them if they were really the owners then goes on his way.  Whew.  Close call.

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